the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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