I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
