having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
