you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
