Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
