this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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