3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
