i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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