I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
