but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
