I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why is your signature on my underwear?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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