The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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