capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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