dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
