Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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