Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
