apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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