She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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