im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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