I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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