Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
