they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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