oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
