I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
