do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
