Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
