I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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