Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
