And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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