the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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