I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
