My Higher Power is John Stamos
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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