I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
