Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
