i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
