My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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