If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
