i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
