We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize