i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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