New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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