I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
