Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
