Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
