I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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