people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
