What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
