First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
