this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
