Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
home. puking in laundry basket.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
