Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
