Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
