What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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