We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
