I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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