You can't motorboat a personality
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
