Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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