I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
