I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
the raccoons are back...
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