I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
