He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
