I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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