yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
