I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
