he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
