It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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