i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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