he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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